Nothing Like A Good Cancer Scare
I’m going to be abnormally serious here for a moment. If you’re here for humor or don’t like reading about lady problems, I’d leave now.
A year ago I had an abnormal PAP result. It was classified as a mild case, which is pretty much code for “you may have had some pre-cancerous cells, or maybe someone sneezed, we don’t really know”. My doctor was not overly concerned about it and said she saw no reason to do any further testing, but that we’d repeat the test in a year.
3 weeks ago I did my repeat test, expecting everything would be fine and rainbows and butterflies. What I got, however, was a phone call informing me that not only did the test come back abnormal a second time, but it was now classified as a moderate case. While this could still be a false result (apparently this is a really unprecise test, which does not instill a lot of confidence), it’s much less likely.
The increased severity combined with it being my second abnormal result means that I have to do further testing to check for cervical cancer. The next step is what is called a colopscopy, which pretty much takes all the uncomfortableness of a PAP and makes it last 30 minutes. Considering I feel really awkward with the normal lady doctor appointments, someone staring up my lady bits with a microscope and really bright light is a level of awkward I can’t even put into words.
I had that appointment earlier today. Despite the reason I was there and my level of complete terror going in there, the doctor actually made me feel relatively relaxed before we got started, and made sure she kept constant communication about what was going on and what she was looking for while she was doing it. The microscope was even hooked up to a TV, so if there was anything she needed me to see she could just put the visual up there. Side note: the innards of your lady bits are super unattractive, but kind of interesting.
It was incredibly uncomfortable, but I’m happy to say that even though the PAP had come back pretty abnormal she couldn’t find anything remotely concerning enough to warrant a biopsy. We talked about what may have caused the abnormality to show up in the first place (hint: apparently stress can actually trigger enough of a change to get flagged, thank you terrible workplace environment) and I have to go back in 6 months to redo the PAP just to see what’s up, but as of this moment I’m apparently free and clear from the dreaded “C” word.
Let me tell you, you have not felt relief until someone tells you that you might possibly have cancer, you get to chew on that for 3 weeks, and then you get told that you’re fine.
I think I’m going to have my first good night’s sleep in almost a month tonight.