I Am So Glad I’m Not A Guy

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had plenty of moments where I wish I could temporarily switch bodies with the other sex.  Mostly because I’m jealous they can theoretically pee wherever they want and I really want to know what it’s like to not have hormone induced mood swings every 28 days.

But as far as permanence goes?  Ladies we have it much easier, and I will tell you why: generally, you’re not responsible for snagging a potential love interest’s phone number.

Let’s say for a moment the roles were reversed, and it was normal for men to expect women to approach them to begin the ridiculous courting ritual (note: ridiculous as in crazy because it’s so complicated, not ridiculous as in silly or pointless).  Men are not that hard to figure out.  Women on the other hand?  We complicate the crap out of the process for these poor dudes.

This weekend we went out with some friends, one of which is a single guy.  He’s a nice, laid back sort of guy, and has this kind of sweetness about him that makes you feel bad and confused when you find out how long he’s been single (I don’t understand how this is possible!).  We’re all hanging out at a bar, and I’ll be honest I sort of missed how the conversation progressed, but eventually we got to the “you have got to talk to a girl” part.

That quickly spiraled into a run down from myself and the other female of the group on what to look for depending on what kind of girl you’re looking for and how to not be creepy when you try to talk to her, with occasional input from the other men in the posse.  The poor guy went deer in headlights and very simply responded “…how do you know these things?”

Every possible way you could interpret this is correct.

At that moment, I felt terrible for every guy who had tried to get a girl’s number as a “hey I’d like to take you out on a date” thing.  We as a general population have created this odd game that is nearly impossible for anyone to win.  And there are some who actually treat it as an actual game, and keep score of how many guys hit on them/ask them for a number/give them their number.  We’re not all like that, but there seem to be more that are than aren’t.  Those jerks looking for a one night stand though?  You deserve it every bit of trouble.

So the remainder of the night we spent breaking down every group of girls that walked in, explaining how you could tell who was sort of the ringleader, who was off limits, if one was actively looking for a guy, all that jazz.  You ladies know what I’m talking about.  It was actually a lot of fun for all of us, and apparently rather informative to our single lad.

I could write out a lot of what was said as a sort of guide (we actually joked about making a handbook), but A)I’m pretty sure almost all my followers are women and B)I’m sure every single point I could write would be argued to death by the person who is the “exception to the rule” and wouldn’t be able to pick up on any humor or the fact that things are generalizations.  Maybe on a day I’m feeling snarky I’ll post it…

Would you switch to the other gender permanently?  Why or why not?


Posted on September 16, 2013, in Life, Misc. Topics (Life), Relationships and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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