Learning To Speak Husband
Geoff complained once (okay more than once) that I am “too subtle”. Apparently he had no idea for the year leading up to us actually dating that I had any interest in him. And he never knows what to get me for my birthday or for Christmas.
When we hit 2013 we made New Year’s marriage resolutions. We talked about things that are little nuisances with each other, and promised we’d try harder to address them. One of my goals was to try to be more direct. I never thought I was a subtle person, but if he thought I was, then obviously there was some room for improvement. I’ve made a conscious effort to actually say what exactly what I want/feel/etc when I want/feel/etc it.
What I have learned, however, is not that I’m subtle (phew!). What I have learned is that Geoff has what I believe should be a recognized medical condition: husband’s ear. It’s a little like selective hearing, but instead of only hearing what you want you just pass it appears to pass through your “do I really want to do this” filter.
Geoff: Would you like me to come clean up the kitchen?
Jenn: Well, yeah, of course I would like for you to come clean up the kitchen.
Geoff: I’m just saying, I know you cooked, so I could clean up.
Jenn: I know. Yes I would like you to clean up.
Geoff: I’m confused. Do you actually want me to come clean up?
Jenn: …yes please.
Geoff: Oh, okay. I couldn’t tell. You weren’t being really clear.
This conversation just happened. Literally just happened. Like I was thinking about what to write for this post, and boom, instant material. You see what happened there? I’m not imagining this right? I’m pretty sure that I made a clear request, and he went on to claim that I was being too subtle for him to tell. I am pretty sure this was a relapse.
I have observed this phenomenon many times both with Geoff and other friends’ husbands. Obviously it is contagious.
Until a cure can be found (it seems beer and other things that shouldn’t be mentioned on such a public forum can temporarily dispel the symptoms), I will have to continue to try to learn how to effectively cut through this “husband’s ear” shroud and get my messages across.
Has anyone else had these sort of conversations? I want to make sure I can alert WHO to all possibly infected areas.