Secret Saturday: Figuring Out Where To Permanently Scar Yourself Is Really Complicated

I am getting a tattoo.

Before you get all “but Jenn!  That’s such a big commitment!  Are you sure?!”, I want to make it clear that this is not a result of some 3AM conversation after a night of drinking too much tequila or a lost bet.  I have wanted to get a tattoo for the last 3, possibly 4 years.  To be fair, I’ve also wanted to dye a part of my hair purple and get a nose stud, but those are another story and not likely to happen anytime soon…or ever.

I’ve known exactly what I want this whole time.  Two things have stopped me: my ability to talk myself out of anything and indecisiveness.

I could probably talk myself out of turning in my winning lottery ticket.  I can think of a dozen reasons to not get a tattoo, most of them ridiculous.  I have a really weird pain threshold so what if I can’t put up with the process, what about the heavy metals, what if I sneeze while they’re doing it, what if despite all the research I end up with the artist who’s the butt of all the “worst tattoo ever” jokes, what if I have an allergic reaction, what will it look like as it fades, what if I get in a car accident and lose my memory and that tattoo is my only clue as to my former self.  There are so many possibilities!

I Googled “worst tattoo mistakes” to come up with an example of what sort of screw ups I’m afraid of and this came up and I couldn’t not share. The woman has a shark mouth tattoo in her armpit. HER ARMPIT.

The ability to talk myself out of anything partially feeds into the indecisiveness as well.  I can’t figure out where to put it because I’m concerned about how easy/difficult it will be to cover when needed.  I still have friends getting married where I will be in the wedding, and I don’t want to “ruin” their pictures with this big ole tattoo.  I can’t really have it anywhere that is visible at work when I’m in normal clothing.  I don’t want it to be somewhere where it will look stupid because it’ll be partially covered by clothing.  I don’t want it to never see the light of day.  I’m just too picky.

I know I don’t want it on my stomach area due to the possibility of stretch marks when we have kids down the road, but that’s the most definitive I’ve gotten.  I thought about the back of my shoulder, but it will be partially visible when I go sleeveless which clashes with two of my concerns at the same time.  I’ve thought about my upper back (right below my neck) but that will show whenever I wear a dress for something fancy.  I’ve thought about my hip, but honestly my mom and I have a running gag of getting matching penguin tattoos and that’s the place earmarked for it in case we ever get ballsy enough to do it.  I’ve thought about my lower back, but with that being the classic “tramp stamp” location I don’t know about that either.  For a while I really wanted it on the inside of my wrist, but that will always show.

This is the design I’m looking at, although maybe not this exactly. Look familiar?

To help deal with the indecisiveness, I actually found a website where you can design your own temporary tattoos and ordered the basic design in two different sizes.  I’m going to try out the larger one on my lower back, and the smaller ones on my upper back and shoulder area.  Give it a trial run of sorts.  While it doesn’t solve everything, it should help me work through my location issues. Hopefully I’ll be able to sort out the rest from there.

Any of you have any tattoos and have pearls of wisdom to share?  Or have you ever thought about getting a tattoo?

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Posted on June 29, 2013, in Life, Misc. Topics (Life), Personal Projects and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. I got a tattoo (much against years of being told never do stoop to such an act!). I waited years to find the right design and then thought long and hard about placement. My two biggest concerns: professionalism and future sagging (or stretching). I ended up with a traditional Mexican turtle design on my right inner ankle, and I love it!! Highly recommend that as a location. Consider it, but based on the choices you laid out. I vote shoulder over lower back anyway. 🙂 can’t wait to see it!!!

  2. So exciting! I want to get a shark tattooed on my ankle – pretty much where Lauren’s turtle is! Also, I must say that I have totally dyed a bit of my hair blue before. It was amazing, though sad when it faded to green. I miss it… but I don’t really miss bleaching my hair first… bleh. Also I kind of secretly want to get a nose stud but I think I might just get a second piercing in both of my ears instead…

    What is this website you speak of with the temporary tattoos? That sounds awesome!

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