Working Out Isn’t Really Working Out
I know I should eat healthy all the time. And I know I should work out regularly. I’d like to think that they’re both habits I’ll hold on to for, well, as long as it makes sense to hold on to them. I’d also like to think I got into them on my own. While I did start to take better care of myself after graduating college, I’ll be completely honest when I say I didn’t really get serious about it until I had a wedding to worry about. And I’ll be honest and admit that the second the wedding was over I thought “oh good now I can relax a little and actually eat some stuff!”. I had made the classic mistake of forbidding myself from certain things in an effort to make sure I was happy with my body on my wedding day, and since it was a finite goal with no long-term plan in place I dove right back into all kinds of things I shouldn’t have.
Let me be clear that I’m not saying I was not trying to fit into a body image that was presented to me by some unrealistic media source. I don’t want you to take that away from that paragraph. I wanted a feeling of being happy with my body, not having the perfect body. 5 years of college earning 2 degrees made me pack on some fat (not weight) that I was not happy about, and my goal was to no longer be unhappy with how my pants fit. I didn’t want a specific number on the scale. I just wanted pants that were actually proportioned correctly for the rest of my frame. I didn’t want to have my belly button projecting further from my spine than my chest. I wanted to see my shoulder muscles again. That was what I was going for. Back to the original point…
I got to where I wanted to be, but I didn’t get there in a way that was fully sustainable, so I slipped off the wagon a little bit. I cared a little less about limiting dessert after dinner. If I was tired I’d say I could go to the gym tomorrow, and of course I was inevitably tired tomorrow too. I didn’t look like I was falling off the band wagon, but I could feel it. Muscles weren’t as tight, I didn’t have as much energy, certain clothing articles didn’t quite seem to fit anymore but still weren’t small, you know the drill.
Then we planned the honeymoon, and I did that thing you see almost all college girls do for spring break. I pictured myself in a bikini and said “oh hell no, I have to fix this” and got back on the wagon. Or got as back onto it as I could given my work schedule. I’ve done pretty well, and I’m mostly happy with what I see in the mirror. But here’s the problem: I know it’s not going to last.
We’re on our honeymoon, and I can pretty much guarantee you we are being pretty relaxed with our diets. I’m likely at this exact moment drinking a cocktail that is loaded with sugar after having just eaten more food than I should have, and possibly a second serving of dessert. When we get back I’m not going to want to jump to the gym, and I’m not going to immediately restrict myself to a diet again. But I will slowly get back into it, because my best friend is getting married at the beginning of May and if I have a fat pooch on my stomach that dress is going to showcase it. So I’ll shape up and be happy again for the wedding. But what happens after that?
No one else is getting married for over a year, and even then I won’t be in it, so I will no longer have the horror of standing up in front of a bunch of people in a slim-fitted dress to force me back into the routine. I know I shouldn’t have to rely on some event coming up to keep myself in shape, because that’s what leads to yo-yo-ing, but I just can’t seem to find the motivation to keep it up anymore. It’s like I wore it out back when it wasn’t as big of a deal, and now that it matters I’m all out.
I feel very uncomfortable with myself when certain clothes start fitting certain ways so that will probably keep me in check to a point, but that’s still a fluctuation of almost 10% of my body weight. I’m very quickly getting bored with my current diet and have already struggled to hold on to it. It’s lasted about 3 years, which is good, but I just don’t think I’m going to be able to keep it up for too much longer. I’m too Italian to keep restricting my carb/pasta intake, and I’ve exhausted Greek yogurt as a breakfast item. Maybe taking some time off from watching my intake so much will give me the ability to get back on track later?
Anyone have any words of wisdom on the subject?