Sometimes I Don’t Deserve My Husband
Work has been running me into the ground.
Don’t get me wrong. I am very grateful for a good job that pays well and has great security, but I am on a project right now that makes me strongly consider the benefits of a life of crime.
About a month ago we got a project in that was huge for us. We’re a small site, so snagging a project from a new client that has the potential for long term testing is a big deal. The problem is that we are a small site with limited people, so we’re all dragging terribly trying to trudge through it.
To give you a little background, one of the tests routinely run for pharmaceuticals is a dissolution. It’s essentially the way we test how a medication dissolves once you swallow it. If it’s a rapid release type medication we make up a solution that mimics stomach acid. If it’s intended to dissolve later, we make up solutions to mimic that environment. You get the idea. In any event, the medication is dropped into a tank with the solution, and we pull a small sample of the solution at predetermined time points to monitor how much has dissolved.
We got an R&D project in that is a 24 hour dissolution, with 12 sample pulls including one at 10 hours and one at 12 hours. It takes 2 hours to set up the test. We’re running 4 at a time, so for the first hour you need two people to drop the tablets into solution and pull the first few samples. If you haven’t guessed, timing is everything here. If we start at a “normal” time like 8AM, that means the test starts at 10AM, and then someone has to come in at 8PM and 10PM to do the midway pulls. It also means no one else could use the tanks the next day until 1PM. Because of those two points, it was decided it’d be better for someone to bite the bullet and come in really early (4:30/5:00 AM) to get started, then have someone else come in at 7:00 to help get started (designated the “drop buddy”), and then have a sort of third shift person who comes in later to do the midway sample pulls.
Somewhere along the way we also decided for some reason I have yet to figure out that I was going to be the ring leader for this circus. That’s right, I’m calling the shots here.
I have a small “team” to work with to get all the shifts covered, but it’s sporadic at best since they still have their regular analyses to run, so I’m getting stretched very thin very quickly. Every day I’m setting up and running the analysis instrumentation, making the standards (there are 9), prepping solutions for the next run (one is made in 8 liter batches, the other in 24 liter batches), setting up 340 vials with their labels, processing the previous day’s data to get it into a report, and usually covering one of the 3 shifts. There was no rhyme or reason to which shifts I was covering, so I could be a 5AM shift Monday, 7AM Tuesday, 11AM Wednesday, 8AM Thursday, and 5AM again Friday (yes that was a week I had). It simply is not physically possible for me to do all of that, and since prepping for the next run is most important so we don’t come to a screeching halt, the reports have fallen behind by an entire week. Which is a problem considering the project will end only 3 days before we leave for our honeymoon.
Geoff knows I’m stressed and exhausted and stretched 7 ways to Sunday, so he’s been trying to help as much as he can. He’s taking Grif in the mornings so I can get ready in peace. He’s been doing more of the cooking (although that might possibly be for his own sake since I suck). He’s been doing dishes. He’s been getting up with Grif on the weekends so I can stay in bed. He’s been all around fabulous and done it all without me asking for it.
And I’ve been so exhausted I’ve been unnaturally cranky. I’ve not said thank you as much as I should. I’ve let something stupidly small wipe out all the positive things he’s done for a day (“You did all the dishes and unloaded the dishwasher, but you used the kitchen towel to wipe your shoes off? What the hell?!”). I’ve focused on what hasn’t been done rather than what has.
Ladies and gentlemen, I’ve been an awful wife. And I feel awful about it.
I know I’ve not been as pleasant as I can or should be, but I have literally felt so tired I just couldn’t do anything about it. Not that that excuses it. There have been a number of things at play, but the important part is that Geoff has been fabulous and for the last month I have done nothing to deserve it.
This phase of the project is over on Friday, and then I have 3 days to get all the reports in to QA and get any corrections back to them before we leave. And I just found out Thursday that when we get back there’s going to be another friggin’ phase. I’m so not happy about that, but I’m really going to try to make a conscious effort to not just be more openly thankful to Geoff for all the work he is doing to try to make my life easier, but try to take a more active part in home life again. I’m going to try really hard to deserve my awesome husband. Because I still can’t figure out what it is he’s getting out of this arrangement, and I don’t want him to start wondering too.