You Can’t Have It Both Ways

Thanksgiving is coming up, marking the beginning of the complicated holiday season.

When you’re dating, it’s perfectly reasonable and acceptable for each of you to spend the major holidays with your own families.  You get to do your holidays the way you’ve always done them without any awkward conversations (outside of the normal awkward conversations that happen when crazy Uncle Roy drinks too much before dinner anyways).

This is a slightly less acceptable option once you’re married, and thus begins the “who do we spend the holiday with” dance.

Last year Geoff came out to spend Thanksgiving with my family because his parents went down to Texas to visit his sister.  Between that and the fact that I’m a big fat baby and do not think I’m ready to do Christmas without my parents yet, we decided that this  year we would do Thanksgiving with his parents and Christmas with mine.

Which would have been a grand plan if his parents hadn’t up and decided to go to Florida for pretty much the entire month of November.

So, now we’re going to do Thanksgiving with my parents since his are gone.  Selfish me is happy about this, especially since I’m really weird about food expectations for the holidays.  And I get to see my doggies for a couple of days.  It’s like a double win.

Except that I now feel really guilty about the idea of us going back to IL to see my family for Christmas.  Geoff insists it’s okay, but I feel like a spoiled brat.  I’ve offered for us to stay here, but he keeps saying we already agreed to do Christmas with my family and he doesn’t want to throw everyone off and change that.  Again, secretly happy, but that doesn’t keep away the jerk feelings.

We’re actually hoping we might be able to utilize the fact that we will possess a house at that point in time and are trying to get my family to come out here for Christmas, and then we can all spend it together.  Work schedules seem to be our biggest hurdle for this solution, but I’m still keeping my fingers crossed.

This was one of the first actual marriage conversations we had way back when.  It is no secret that I have a very deep attachment to my family and have to fight the urge to let tears well up when I even think about the idea of not spending a major holiday with them.  We never spent holidays with extended family because we were never near other family, and with the exception of our time in New Jersey we didn’t really have close family friends to spend them with.  I’m so used to spending holidays with my family and only my family that I just did not know what to expect when I would be faced with that reality.  We talked about it and tried to come up with a plan, but to be honest I really don’t know how I would have reacted had we not been heading back to my house for Thanksgiving.  I’m ridiculous, I know.  I’ve accepted this.

How do you guys handle sharing holidays?  Any advice?  Any awesome plans for this week?

 

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Posted on November 19, 2012, in Growing Up, Life, Relationships and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. Last year, John and I spent Thanksgiving with my family because my great-aunt had it at her house in WV and I hadn’t seen her in a long time. It was great because we used to often do Thanksgiving up there when I was growing up, so it was very familiar. We went to my parents’ house before Christmas and did an early Christmas there, though it wasn’t quite the same. Christmas with his family was fun, but very different from what I’m used to.

    We decided after that that we’d switch off every year, so this year we’re doing Thanksgiving with his family and Christmas on Christmas with mine (we’re going down to see his family a few days after Christmas). I’m REALLY worried about Thanksgiving because I’m used to doing the whole sit around a table in the afternoon and eat WAY too much turkey and sides. His parent’s don’t even have a table (they eat in the living room in front of the TV) and his dad apparently doesn’t like turkey. I love his family, so I’m sure it will be great, even if it will be a big change for me.

  2. Well I totally understand the being secretly happy and feeling like a jerk at the same time issue. That is how I feel because I got my way for Christmas and we are going to be spending before Christmas to Christmas day with my family. Then we fly back here for a day and then drive to see Cobalt’s family. I am soooo excited to see my family but I also feel really bad about taking Cobalt away from his! We just had early Thanksgiving with Cobalt’s family this weekend so that’s some consolation I guess…

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