So THAT’S What The Bottom Of A Liquor Bottle Looks Like
I finally heard back about that job I’ve been waiting on. If the post title didn’t give it away, the company decided to go with someone else, which means that starting this Friday I am officially unemployed.
The feedback I got? There wasn’t anything wrong with me, and the interviewers “really enjoyed” talking with me, but the last person they interviewed just plain had more experience. There’s nothing I could have done differently. Bonus: I found out on Monday…wost 1 month wedding anniversary ever.
I knew this was a very real possibility, so it’s not as shocking as it could be, but the idea that I can’t find anything after 11 months of searching is downright depressing. I have degrees in chemistry and physics, a number of awards for academic performance earning those degrees, and 2 years experience at a government research facility, and I’ve been told by every company I can find in the area that they think I’m better suited learning how to file for unemployment. This is not a problem I expected to have.
Unemployment, by the way, is ridiculously complicated. I’m almost impressed by the people who abuse the system, because it’s hard enough to figure out I’m half tempted to say “forget it”. Or I would be if I didn’t seriously need that money.
Currently, there are no new postings at the chemical companies in the area. Annoyingly enough the previous positions I’ve been rejected from are all still posted as needing to be filled. I have some contacts who are doing some exploring for me, as well as some of my own leads to follow, but right now it’s just chasing ghosts.
I have had a job since I was 16. I’ve always had something. I don’t know how to function without having a job. And now, on top of it, I’m playing the doubt game, and I’m re-examining every decision I’ve made for the last few years that could have changed the position I’m in now. Should I have gone to grad school? Should I have not volunteered to leave Fermi? Should I have pushed Geoff harder to come here instead of me going there? Should I have gotten the education degree instead of the BS? Should I have focused on physics instead of chemistry? Should I have switched to engineering? Should I have gotten a job in MI to begin with instead of taking the Fermi offer? So many things led me here that it’s hard not to think of every way I could have done it differently, and it makes it that much harder to accept.
I honestly have no idea what happens next. For now I will spend a while (though I don’t know how long “a while” may be…days? weeks?) here, packing things up and taking some time to unwind while continuing my push for a job somewhere. Eventually I’ll head to MI to be with Geoff, but without the job there’s a good chance we’ll have to stay with his parents instead of our own place I don’t really relish the idea of being in their house for a long time while unemployed. Don’t get me wrong, I love them, but with in-laws around it seriously takes a massive chunk out of the typical activities of the unemployed people like excessive cleaning and wallowing in self-pity in your underwear.
So there you have it. I have today and tomorrow as a scientist, then Friday I join the millions of unemployed.
Someone tried to twist the “there are plenty of fish in the sea” metaphor from the dating world to make me feel better about the job situation. It’s actually a really accurate metaphor for this situation, except the problem is there are too many fish and not enough fishermen.
Here’s to hoping I find an open hook soon.