It’s Like Road Rage, Except I’m Sitting At My Desk
Someone sent me this article the other day. I read it, waiting for the “ha I’m just kidding!” line, but it never came.
Now, I agree with the idea that you should discuss things like budget and what kind of things you expect from your bridal party at the beginning, but that is where any potential “oh I see their point” ends.
When you are discussing budget, the conversation should sound like this:
- Bride: Hey Sally? I was wondering what you would be comfortable with for a budget for the bridesmaids dress?
- Sally: I would like to stay under $X for the dress.
- Bride: Wonderful! I’ll remember that when we start looking for dresses.
- Bride: Hey Sally, I’ve actually already picked a dress. It’s $500. You should order it.
- Sally: Oh, that’s more money than I think I am able to spend. Can we pick something else?
- Bride: Hey I didn’t complain when you picked a dress I hated. Suck it up and either buy it or just be a guest.
That conversation about what you expect? That should look more like this:
- Bride: Hey Sally! I was wondering if you’d be willing to help out with setting stuff up for the wedding, or if you wanted to go dress shopping with us?
- Sally: Hey Bride! I was wondering if anyone had mentioned anything about planning a shower/bachelorette party for you, because I’d like to do it or help out with it.
And less like this:
- Bride: Yo, Sally, if our friendship means absolutely anything to you you’ll come over and help me tie 500 bows, lick 200 envelopes, and essentially be my indentured servant. Oh, while we’re on the subject, I want a bachelorette party where we all travel to Greece for a week. You should get on planning that. May I recommend taking out a second mortgage so you can pay for it?
That, in simple terms, is bullshit. Weddings are not quid pro quo, they are not times to get even, and they are most certainly not a license to demand things of people you call your friends that in any other situation would be considered completely outrageous (to be clear, it’s still outrageous in this situation; my point is just that if you couldn’t justify it any other time, you can’t justify it now). A bridesmaid is not your slave. Your MOH is not your official party planner.
Talk about a budget, but talk about it in the sense that the bridal party tells you what they can afford, and you stick to it. Throwing a shower is optional. Throwing a bachelorette party is optional. Helping is optional. The only thing they need to do is get the dress and be there for your wedding.
I honestly have a hard time believing that people like this exist. I thought this was the stuff of movies and badly scripted reality shows. In what other scenario can someone possibly think it is okay to lay out terms and conditions of their friendship but on camera? I truly feel sorry for the women who find themselves in a bridal party where the bride seems to have these expectations, because it is painfully obvious that such a bride is more interested in the bridesmaids being props and helpers rather than being honored witnesses to the wedding.
I almost feel worse for the bride that acts this way though, because it is painfully obvious that such a woman is more concerned about the party that is the wedding than the reason for it: the marriage. And that, my friends, is why the divorce rate is through the roof.
On that happy (and completely opposite) note, this is officially my last weekend as a legally single lady! I’m spending the weekend packing up everything that needs to migrate to MI with me on Wednesday and my parents on Friday, doing laundry, and trying to relax. It feels almost kind of surreal…