Kids, Coworkers, And Significant Others, Oh My! Part 2
When you’re deciding who makes it onto your guest list, there are 3 categories of people who cause the most stress: kids, coworkers, and significant others of other people you intend to invite. Do you invite them? Do they get their own invitation? What’s the etiquette here, and do I have to follow it? It can get messy, and there’s no one right way to go, you just have to take a deep breath and dive on in.
They’re your work buddies, the people you (sometimes unfortunately) spend the majority of your day with. Should you invite them to your wedding? It can get really tricky, really quickly, and your relationships with people you work with can suffer if you don’t handle it well.
The best way to look at it is this: would/do you spend time with them voluntarily outside of work? If they are people you would first and foremost call friends if it weren’t for that pesky overlap in place of employment, by all means invite them. However, do not feel obligated to invite anyone simply because you share a cubicle with them. Mutual prison quarters is not grounds for an automatic invitation. Same thing for bosses. You may feel obligated to invite your boss because, well, they’re your boss. But the same rules apply: if you wouldn’t spend time with them outside of work, there’s no need to start now. If you wouldn’t invite them out for your birthday, you don’t need to invite them to you wedding.
Now, if you spent a significant portion of time discussing the wedding with any of the above individuals, you may have painted yourself into a corner. It is generally considered bad taste to say “look at this awesome party I’m planning! Too bad I’m not inviting you, you’d have a blast!” If your cube-mate or boss knows more about the flowers or chair covers than your bridesmaids do, you need to consider extending an invitation. If you genuinely aren’t that close, chances are they will decline the invitation (unless they know enough about your reception to know it truly will be awesome).
If you’re not inviting anyone from the office, and one of them approaches you about it, you can very simply tell them you’re keeping the affair small and decided to leave work relations out of it. Whether or not it really is small doesn’t matter, if no one will be there they won’t know the difference. If a few people are getting invites for one reason or another, and someone who isn’t makes a quip about it, you can fall back on the old “we just weren’t able to invite everyone we wanted to” standby. Now if you’re inviting everyone from the office except for that one guy who sits in the corner and talks to his plant, yes he may weird you out a little, but unless there is a serious problem with him (like sexual harassment complaint) it’s pretty poor taste to invite a whole group save one person. Consider extending invitations to the rest of the group, or cutting back who is invited.
That’s it for coworkers. If you’re looking for help on inviting kids, you can see my previous post here. Part 3 will deal with (sometimes not-so) significant others.